Dialog Unlikely To Be Used #DUTBU, The Archive volume 13

Here comes another archive of my daily Twitter (or X or whatever it is now) post, Dialog Unlikely To Be Used. It’s Lucky 13 this time!

Program note: as previously announced on Twitter/X, #DUTBU will be retiring later this year, with the final post on August 1, 2024— the tenth anniversary of the first post in the series.

• “But soft— hearken to the sweet sound from yonder glade, where humble caterpillar walks fragrant leaf, and plays classic 80s hair metal on his gramophone.”
• “But for Tiffany, sewage treatment no longer had the glamour that had once attracted her.”
• “This is outrageous! How dare you come before the King without a pogo stick?”
• “Captain, sensors detect a band of outlaws robbing the Pine City stagecoach.”
• “O Mary darling, how beautiful you look in the morning, when you’re reassembling our Wankel Rotary Engine for the day!”
• “Watch out, Pardner! Them cattle’s gonna stampede, yew best move yer espresso machine off to one side!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research I have finally proved that tapirs DO believe they are ocelots!”
• “I alone have succeeded where others failed! I alone have discovered the secret of bestowing life upon lifeless matter! Behold— my panini press is alive!”
• “This may be hard for you to accept, but you’ve been transported through time! It is now 45 minutes into what you would call the future, and your soup is now cold.”
• “So, my old nemesis, we meet again— but this time *I* have the grade 5 zinc plated hex nuts!”
• “Bah! You puny Earthlings have no understanding of good risotto!”
• “What a close call! We almost launched the trans-Neptunian deep space NIRSpec sensor probe without feeding the goldfish first!”
• “You fool, you’ve perforated the wrong lawn chair!”
• “People of Earth, listen carefully! We, the Exaltonians, evolved beyond the need for physical bodies countless eons ago! And we come now to warn you, you forgot to water your English ivy!”
• “Excuse me, I don’t wish to alarm you but your trivet is polymorphic.”
• “I recall my Grandpa’s last words to me: ‘My boy, otters do not appreciate palimpsests.’ If only I had listened!”
• “Now pay attention, 007. This appears to be an ordinary fountain pen— but press this button here, and it will deploy an army of trained attack cabbages.”
• “It were a sea serpent, I tell ye! I saw it come a-risin’ outta the waves, a mile long an’ clutchin’ a whole ship in its great slavering jaws, and it forged my signature on the rental agreement!”
• “Why Mr Darcy, I am shocked! I do believe you may be attempting to enfilade the artillery emplacements!”
• “You will not stop me this time, Captain Awesome! Soon I, Nemesis Man, will be the undisputed weekend manager of this shoe store!”
• “Well as side effects go, it could be worse. I mean, a lot of people might LIKE to be invisible to ferrets.”
• “My colleagues laughed at me, called me mad— mad! But the last laugh will be mine, as my new formula will soon dominate the Venus flytrap cultivation industry!”
• “We are too near the dragon’s cave, but we can go no further tonight. The sun is setting and there will be no moon. Let us turn from the path and seek a place where we may safely shelter for this night. Perhaps a Motel 6.”
• “We finished the escape tunnel without the guards noticing— but can we fill it with lemon custard in time?”
• “Now, don’t you go painting any wooden ducks while I’m away.”
• “Quick! Choose an emu before it’s too late!”
• “And on that day, the Sun will be darkened, the stars will fall from the sky, and the little men with slide rules will forget to feed their goldfish!”
• “I’d like to help, but my microwave oven is antimagnetic.”
• “Then at 0300 sharp the 101st Airborne division will parachute behind enemy lines— assuming, of course, that the Construction Battalion has finished sewing their footie pajamas.”
• “Excuse me, is that your wildebeest in the punch bowl?”
• “In order to defuse the bomb, you must cut the red wire, being careful that the blue wire never loses contact with its old college buddies.”
• “I recall my Grandpa’s last words to me: ‘My boy, horses do not make good manicurists.’ If only I had listened!”
• “I love you but it can never work out between us— not as long as the plywood is delaminating.”
• “Now, don’t be so upset. Lots of people leave their scanning electron microscopes behind at the theater.”
• “You may have fooled the police, Monsieur, but you cannot fool Poirot! I knew at once it was you who put the asparagus in Lord Melbury’s safe deposit box!”
• “No, you fool, I said WICKER furniture, not WILDEBEEST furniture!”
• “In hindsight, tapioca was the wrong type of pudding to fuel the Mars rocket.”
• “I say, Smythe, what a find! This proof of a 1400 BC Sumerian influence will revolutionize our understanding of ancient Latte art!”
• “It will be difficult, I know. But I believe drinking the Atlantic Ocean will provide an overland route for the D-day invasion that the enemy will never expect.”
• “It’s risky, yes. But so is massaging a wild ocelot and look how well that turned out!”
• “Arr, Mateys! Hoist the jolly Roger! Run out the cannon! We’ll take yon merchantman and seize its entire cargo of high-end toupees!”
• Proverb Unlikely To Be Considered Wise: “He who sticks his face in a blender must expect his beagle to play ragtime on the piano.”
• “Quick! Remagnetize the tea cozies!”
• “Your offer is tempting but the price is too high: I will not give up my solar telescope in order to become your accountant.”
• “Puny Earthlings! I am Lord Vorgax the Destroyer! My Kryzoid battle fleet has your planet surrounded! We will open fire unless you surrender all your properly aged brie!”
• “So, you think wearing cheese will hide you from my operatives?”
• “The Gruyere is melting— I knew it was the wrong material for the bridge abutments!”
• “I tell you, this volcano is about to blow— and we haven’t even served the wine and cheese platter yet!”
• “Bad news, Admiral. The fleet is critically short of fondue pots. But at least we do have plenty of those little forks.”
• “Guns, tanks, bombs, they’re like toys against them! There’s only one thing that will stop the Martian invaders: goat cheese!”
• “So, it’s got a 7.3 liter diesel fuel injector? Interesting choice— but what about the chicken?”
• “So. The llamas have learned calculus.”
• “No, the zither goes in the cryogenic chamber.”
• “O Mary darling, no one can delaminate plywood as gracefully as you!”
• “Detective, look at what the crime scene guys just found— there was definitely a stalk of asparagus stuffed inside the sardine!”
• “There! Look! It’s the Armadillo of Destiny!”
• “My name is Lancelot. Sir Lancelot of Camelot, Knight of the Round Table. Have you seen my tea cozy?”
• “No! Call the emu!”
• “The clues point only one way— the butler did it! Yes, it was the butler who dusted the shelves and vacuumed the carpet!”
• “So— it was YOU who tried to magnetize my fountain pen!”
• “Yeah, it’s a fun science demonstration to make a dill pickle light up when you run a current through it, but in hindsight we shouldn’t have relied on that for the meltdown alarm.”
• “The battle that began that dawn was historic in many ways; not least in that it was the only battle of mimes against chiropractors in the entire war.”
• “No need to thank me, taking these risks is part of my job. I’m a podiatrist.”
• “The show is ruined! Just ruined! You were supposed to light the fireworks, not bury them in canned sardines!”
• “If we don’t paint this lawn chair in the next 30 seconds, it’s going to detonate!”
• “Well yes, *I* find it funny, but you must remember— I’m an ocelot.”
• “Members of the jury, the evidence will reveal the most twisted and pervasive conspiracy in the long history of crime, all dedicated to the sinister goal of exploiting an innocent victim’s coffee shop discount card!”
• “Sheriff! Sheriff! Them outlaws in the Black Bart gang are fixin’ to rob the Pine City stage! I heard ’em plannin’ it, over at the umbrella factory!”
• “Quick! Wax the pelican!”
• “Excellent, Agent Zero. Your disguise is nearly perfect. But you forgot the chicken feet.”
• “Sergeant, take half the squad and scout the area. I don’t want any surprises. The rest of the squad will join me in getting the rubber duckies painted before bath time.”
• “Unbelievable as it seems, out in the desert radiation left by the first atom bomb tests has produced an incredible mutation— and humanity now faces the terrible threat of cacti that can write sonnets!”
• “You never loved me, never! You were just using me to get access to my ceramic tangerine replicas!”
• “I’ve been repairing these babies for a lotta years, but I’ve never seen a grand piano with a runny nose before.”
• “Eye of newt and heart of frog, water from a graveyard pond and wine from a cursed vineyard! Boil, boil, then cool with the breath of an unlicensed accountant!”
• “Houston, Tranquility Base here. Were we supposed to deploy the Mime before or after landing?”
• “The time has come— release the Battle-snails!”
• “I don’t ask for all that much out of life. Just a good home, someone to love, and a cabbage shaped like Harry Truman.”
• “Ostriches! They’re guarding the Yahtzee sets with ostriches!”
• “Let the criminal underworld beware, for I am Drab-man, endowed with the power to bore you with my blandness!”
• “So, my old nemesis, we meet again— but this time *I* have the grapefruit puree!”
• “O Mary darling, how beautiful you look when you’re demagnetizing the chicken tenders!”
• “You’ve got to believe me, this volcano is going to blow! We must evacuate the secret supervillain lair underneath it before it’s too late!”
• “Members of the jury, the evidence will show that my client was NOT the one who stuffed the Brussels sprouts into the aardvark.”
• “I don’t think that’s wise. But then, I’m a carrot.”
• “The Dark Lord is gathering all evil to him; if he is not stopped, soon he will have the strength to cover the entire world in cheap, low-quality spray cheese!”
• “The countdown has begun! We have only one year until the olives grow too big to fit in the martini glass!”
• “Well, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll get back to you after the wombats detonate.”
• “O Mary darling, how beautifully your toenails sail through the air when you clip them!”
• “In retrospect, perhaps we were mistaken to think the secret to achieving a 200-story skyscraper was to make the foundations out of banana pudding.”
• “The world seemed orderly, everything in its place… and then he came. The man with the banjo made of sauerkraut.”
• “Captain, sensors indicate the Kryzoid battleship has raised its shields and armed its weapons. They are targeting Old Widow McTeevey’s chicken coop.”
• “Spur them horses, Pardner! We gotta get ’em all to a gallop if we’re hopin’ to reach orbit!”
• “The case may have baffled others, but not the great Hercule Poirot! Yes, I knew at once the location of your missing sock!”
• “Man the battlements! Raise the drawbridge! Let every knight polish his unicycle ere sunset!”
• “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard Flight 123, non-stop service to Cityville. For reasons too complicated to explain, we will be flying upside down, so be sure to buckle in tightly!”
• “Now listen very carefully. You must remove the chicken BEFORE engaging the anti-gravity unit.”
• “But no, Watson, you have failed to observe that not only were the shrubs untrimmed, but also that the rice was overseasoned!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of advanced genetic engineering, I have created a heart that will spontaneously eject from the body if it decides the patient is too boring!”
• “Oh come now, let’s be reasonable. All I’m suggesting is to make your tuxedo out of cheese slices.”
• “Og mighty warrior! Og hunt the mammoth and cave bear! Og know secret of making fire! Og cook Brussels sprouts over fire, never burned!”
• “I see. Well, if that’s how you feel then we’ll just have to find another bagpiper, one who IS willing to play in pudding.”
• “I realize anyone can make a mistake, but replacing the variable phase inverters with chicken feet seems like a big one.”
• “I am Hrothgar son of Haldan, trimmer of lawns, pruner of hedges!”
• “So, you think to delay me, do you? Your stalling tactics will not work, not while I have my riding snails ready to surge forward!”
• “Oh, grow up! You’re not the first person to accidentally drop your 5mA Discrete Voltage Regulator into a fondue pot, you know.”
• “In just a few moments the probe will send its first image, and we will become the first humans ever to see the new sushi bar constructed on the surface of Titan!”
• “We’re making the jump into hyperspace! Quick— notify the gerbil wranglers!”
• “I love you but it can never work out between us. We just can’t get past that this is only an isolated line of dialogue that will never actually be in a story.”
• “There shall come darkness and destruction across the face of the Earth. The skies shall fall and the oceans boil. And then… the marmots. The marmots will come.”
• “No! Not the klystron rectifying oscillator!”
• “Forsooth! Whate’er nightly revels thou fain would hide, thou canst not conceal yon meeting hall is strewn with drunk’n gerbils!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research I have discovered an inexhaustible source of energy derived from belly button lint!”
• “I’ve been a chicken farmer all my life. So of course my piano is made of cheese.”
• “That’s no moon— it’s a tea cozy!”
• “But no, Watson— you have failed to observe that the pizzas were arranged in alphabetical order by ingredient!”
• “The asteroid is heading directly for Earth! We MUST complete the Monopoly tournament before it strikes!”
• “Don’t wait for me, you’ve got to sauce those noodles in time to warn the paratroopers!”
• “All right, you two! If you don’t stop renegotiating the depreciation allowance on your partnership form SEC2860 right this instant, I will turn this car around and we’ll all just go home!”
• “Oh. Well, if you insist, I suppose I could bronze the avocado tree tomorrow.”
• “We have to face the facts: we’re looking at a global shortage of aardvark toenails.”
• “I say, Smythe, what a remarkable find! A fossilized Eldredgeops rana, preserved in the very act of presenting its doctorial thesis!”
• “Where are the ocelot ears?”
• “Oh wow, that’s really sexy! But what do you do with the lobster costume the rest of the time?”
• “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought your piano was a reindeer.”
• “Now pay attention, 007. This appears to be an ordinary ball point pen. But depress this concealed button, and it becomes a fully playable set of bagpipes.”
• “It’s time for the truth to come out! Admit it— your accordion is magnetic!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research, I have finally perfected a nuclear-powered zither!”
• “Please help me, I don’t know how I got here— I’ve been transported by some evil magical spell! The last I remember, I was about three feet over toward the window!”
• “But be careful— if we lose that hamster, the cucumber goes with it.”
• “Shepherd’s pie? In the reactor core?”
• “So, the truth comes out at last— your wicker lawn chairs are fake!”
• “Captain! Sensors detect a Boston cream pie on a direct collision course!”
• “At last! Our expedition has reached its goal— the legendary Hovering Sponges of the Himalayas!”
• “So, my old nemesis, we meet again! But this time, my armor is not made of marshmallow fluff!”
• “O Mary darling, how can I describe the loveliness of your left flexor carpi radialis?”
• “On that day, the Sun will darken and the rivers boil, the stars will fall from the sky, and jet planes will be made of wicker!”
• “I will not take it off! How dare you even ask! I am the star of this film and my contract clearly states I will ONLY perform with linguini stuck to my face!”
• “Why Mr Darcy, how scandalous! Are you trying to discredit your penguin?”
• “Go on without me— I shall stay until I’m sure every last sea turtle has been tie-dyed!”
• “Don’t be silly, I’d never ask out someone else’s girlfriend. You can trust me, Dastardly T. Otherguy, on that.”
• “I don’t know what you’re planning— but you will not stop me from providing every sailor in the fleet with a nice refreshing beverage.”
• “Oh no! The accordion is grape-flavored!”
• “Captain— it appears that the propeller beanies will not be delivered in time for us to leave orbit on schedule.”
• “Meerkats? I thought you said apricots!”
• “O Mary darling, no one tightens galvanized steel guy wires as wonderfully as you!”
• “I’m sorry, I’d like to help you but my electron microscope is green.”
• “Oh really? And I suppose you’re going to tell me I won’t find a platypus in your snare drum?”
• “Oh, pardon me, Madame, did I reinterpret your palimpsest?”
• “Sometimes in the still hours of the night, my mind goes to dark places and I can only think, ‘But what about the toothpicks?'”
• “Thank you for applying to the Justice League. Unfortunately, while your superpower is certainly unique, we don’t think the ability to make bookmarks impervious to grape juice stains is likely to be very helpful to the team.”
• “But no, Watson, you have failed to consider that rabbits seldom weave tapestries!”
• “Be not afraid, for though I appear in form of a shining warrior riding a fiery chariot brighter than the Sun, I am in fact a hamster!”
• “It’s too late to stop it now, it’s been decided— tonight, we nap!”
• “Alpha team will circle the right flank, while Beta team creates a diversion by attacking the center. If we succeed, the enemy’s entire s’mores supply will be ours.”
• “I recall my Grandpa’s last words to me: ‘My boy, never feed popcorn to a corpulent lobster.’ If only I had listened!”
• “We must all understand that dark days are approaching— days which will test the stamp collector’s club to its limit!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research I have finally perfected stealth bagpipes!”
• “Hold the countdown! We can’t launch— we’ve forgotten the celery!”
• “What? I’ve got the wrong aardvark?”
• “Now, go! And do not return until your xylophone is gold-plated!”
• “But not if the mimes get there first!”
• “O Mary darling, I feel faint whenever I gaze upon your beauty! So if you could stop using chloroform as a perfume, that’d be great.”
• “But Marshmallow Peeps are out of season! If they open that package, it’ll blow!”
• “You are under arrest for the illegal detonation of lobsters. Put down the lemon butter and come quietly.”
• “It’s time. Deploy the racing sloths.”
• “I see. Then, there’s nothing left to do but depolarize the platypus enclosure.”
• “I say, Smythe, what a find! A medieval tapestry depicting, in exquisite detail, Charlemagne cataloguing his collection of Star Trek memorabilia!”
• “All right kids, knock it off back there or I will turn this Hidromek HM230 Earthmover around and we’ll just go home!”
• “Well, er, I suppose you could use bagpipes for that, as long as you galvanized the music stand first.”
• “So, Captain Awesome, we meet again! But this time you will not stop my master plan of sewing kilts for every hamster in the world!”
• “O Mary darling, my love for you is written on my heart! So I’m suing the heart surgeon for malpractice.”
• “Me? But what about the Moon Pies?”
• “Your honor, the defendant is charged under penal code 187.3, paragraph 42, which forbids the unlicensed use of ocelot spleens as vehicle tires.”
• “Think very carefully, because all our lives may depend on it— head cheese or olive loaf?”
• “All right boys, we’ve planned this heist to the last detail. Bugsy, you keep the getaway car running. Lefty and Scarface, cover the rear entrance. Spike, you get to work picking us some less cliche nicknames.”
• “Our battle plan was perfect! It should have worked! We just never imagined that our most advanced battleship was vulnerable to steamed broccoli.”
• “Bad news— the giblet gravy has become sentient!”
• “All you had to do was reheat the leftovers! Now how on Earth are we going to get the sweet potatoes down from the roof?”
• “We’ve known it happens but it’s so rare to actually see it— but this video clearly shows a Canadian lynx in the very act of translating Sophocles into Gaelic!”
• “We’re less than 24 hours from launching the D-day landings and my hollandaise sauce has broken!”
• “We have the place surrounded! Now put down the avocado and shut down the telescope right now!”
• “O Mary darling, how beautiful you look with those Brussels sprouts growing out of your ears!”
• “Well, I’d like that, but only if you waterproof the chicken first.”
• “All my life I’ve dreamed of moving to Tahiti to sell wall-to-wall carpet, and at last it’s coming true!”
• “So, it was you who laminated my cherry tomatoes!”
• “Thank you for your application to join the Justice League. Unfortunately, while intriguing, your power to make chickens speak in iambic pentameter is unlikely to be useful in crimefighting.”
• “This is a disaster! My dinner party starts in an hour and my solar telescope is faulty!”
• “Remember, nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it! So get out there, and teach those meerkats to perform Gilbert & Sullivan!”
• “I was going to bake a nice loaf of sourdough bread, but my supply of yeast left for dance class.”
• “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge operating a Wilesco M51 steam-powered drill press.”
• “Oh dear, is that cinnamon roll trying to calculate Fourier transforms?”
• “I have an idea that might work! What if we disconnect the variable phase oscillator from the thermal reactor control system, and instead cross-connect it to a duck?”
• “I say, Smythe, what a find! A perfectly intact skeleton of a Vectidromeus insularis, preserved in the very act of playing with its model railroad!”
• “My name is Lancelot. Sir Lancelot of Camelot, Knight of the Round Table, and there is a serious error in your pre-tax depreciation allowance!”
• “Fine! If that’s all you care about, take it and go— but remember, there’s more to life than brass-plated toothpick holders!”
• “I see. Well in that case, you’d better equip the nuclear-powered propeller beanie.”
• “No! Not the racing sloths!”
• “We’re up against the most dangerous criminal mastermind of all time, whose hand is in every nefarious deed the world over, who has eluded capture for decades, and who wantonly makes origami swans out of saran wrap!”
• “We’ve got the place surrounded! Now put down the solar telescope, and come out WHILE riding the unicycle!”
• “Asparagus? But then, where are the reactor fuel rods?”
• “I’m sorry, but I cannot approve your requisition. We’ve been asked to cut down on the in-office use of halibut simulators.”
• “Do your worst! You and your Nebraska-shaped Gruyere cheese slices do not frighten me!”
• “Quick! Abort the missile! The pasta is overcooked!”
• “Hold on thar, pardner— I’m the law in this here town and yew best state yer business afore you take that thar Mark 18 sub-launched electric torpedo inter the saloon!”
• “Captain, we’ve got to take the warp engines offline! At least long enough to rest the horses!”
• “Well if that’s how you feel, I’ll just take my zinc-plated stirrup pants and go home!”
• “O Mary darling, language itself is inadequate to express your sublime beauty! So I will do so with this interpretive dance set to zither music!”
• “I love you but it can never work out between us. I just can’t be with someone whose pet tree sloth is poorly trained.”
• “Oh sure, hindsight is 20-20. But where were you when we first decided to build the solar telescope at the bottom of Carlsbad Caverns?”
• “Quick! Drop the mime before he sings!”
• “So, it was you who betrayed us! You who told the enemy the location of our secret base! You who drank all the coffee and didn’t make a new pot!”
• “I’m not sure but I think the sea cucumbers are plotting against me.”
• “It’s not our fault! How could we possibly know that one day the survival of humanity would depend on maintaining the popularity of shag carpet!”
• “Abort the launch! The Bloody Mary mix is too spicy!”
• “Sheriff! Black Bart an’ his outlaw gang have come a-ridin’ inter town again! They’re over to the saloon sellin’ multi-level marketing franchises fer off-brand household products!”
• “You have trespassed where Mortal Man was not meant to go, and must now be brought before the Elven King to explain this ‘wicker lawn chair’ of which you speak.”
• “All my life I’ve dreamed of being the weekend night janitor at a garage door opener factory, and now it’s finally happened!”
• “Don’t be so selfish! Other people want to degauss their steel ocelot statues too, you know!”
• “Princess, fear not, for as the Kingdom’s mightiest knight I pledge to you that I will not rest, nor turn aside from any hardship, until I have found your lost toenail clippers!”
• “Ow! I stubbed my toe! Who left the radio telescope here?”
• “It’s a baffling case— all we have is this wallet the killer dropped, with his driver’s license, credit cards, and home address. Nothing useful about the color of his socks!”
• “Sheriff, One-eyed Jake an’ his gang o’ outlaws is holed up in Dead End Gulch! We get a posse together, we c’n trap ’em inside, and get that Mars mission launched afore they can do a thing ta stop it!”
• “Oh, don’t let it get you down, you’re not the first person to be outrun by a tree sloth.”
• “So yer lookin’ fer someone to do a bank job real quiet-like, are ya? Well it’s gonna cost ya. I keep 50 percent o’ the take, plus yer gonna knit me a tea cozy.”
• “It’s too complicated to explain now, just trust me: we’ve got to train these mimes in the art of oratory or we’re all dead!”
• “Your Majesty, the evil soldiery of the Dark Lord have once again raided the kingdom and made off with the entire okra crop!”
• “You see, Watson, these toenail clippings reveal the killer owns a purebred French poodle, and therefore cannot have been the man who was seen falling into the vat of molasses!”
• “Pshaw! That’s ridiculous! Of COURSE the grand piano will fit in your belly button!”
• “Captain, sensors detect a Boston cream pie on a direct collision course!”
• “I love you but it can never work out between us— not as long as you refuse to give up your pickled okra stockpile!”
• “This is the police! We know you’re in there, Mugsy, so put out the scented candles and close the jar of bath salts right now!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research, I have finally created a particle accelerator that produces high-energy neutrinos with a delicious hickory smoke flavor!”
• “Oh, for crying out loud! The trained platypus goes to the RIGHT of the dessert spoon!”
• “This is the end for you, Captain Awesome! I, Nemesis Man, have finally defeated you at Tic-Tac-Toe!”
• “Wait— you mean the sock puppets are NOT going to be laminated?”
• “Now now, let’s not be hasty. Perhaps there’s an innocent explanation for dropping the grand piano in the salsa.”
• “Objection, your honor! Opposing counsel’s otter costume is more realistic than mine!”
• “Eureka, Jenkins! After decades of research, I have finally perfected a spatula capable of regretting its life choices!”
• “General! We have an opportunity to attack— on the left flank, the enemy’s mimes have inadequate makeup!”